


Hey, I'm trying to eat here!

by BBPlaid



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Awkward Tension, Family Dinners, Internal Conflict, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnancy, checking out your ex, internal musing, non-sexual meal consumption, reverse-pregnancy kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27425824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBPlaid/pseuds/BBPlaid
Summary: Axel laments on the current state of Saix's body.
Relationships: Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Saïx/Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	Hey, I'm trying to eat here!

DLC wasn’t really a thing when Kingdom Hearts 2 was released in 2005, but had it been, Saix’s body would be a moderately decent video game that was _alright_ on its own but scored an IBM 8/8 once the extra downloadables came out. After the release of the unrealistically proportioned breasts, lactating cow udders, perpetually blue-balled balls, plump pregnant stomach, slick vagina, swollen clitoris, puckered anus and huge-veiny-penis expansion packs, his body had more twists, curves and hidden Easter eggs than a Valve game.

And, thanks to his sheer girth and the ferocity with which his engorged nipples fought to pierce through the leather of his coat, everyone in the organization was given a free sneak-peak of what his body had to offer.

Axel was disgusted by how big Saix had gotten. He’d never been a boob boy; that was just an added bonus to being gay. Pregnant bellies were a thing that didn’t really do it for him, also something he could attribute to being gay. However, this was _Saix._

Saix was someone Axel _was_ attracted to. Or had been, before Saix blew him off and decided to bully literal children. While Axel was a lot less attracted to Saix as a _person,_ he’d freely admit that the blue-haired boss bitch had a very nice face and beautiful biceps and fabulously shaped forearms and nice thighs and rockin’ calves and, prior to getting knocked up, abs that were pronounced enough to use as shelves.

He was an asshole and also, technically, Axel’s ex but _damn._ Saix was _hot_.

Was, in past tense, but also present tense??? Despite his tits turning Axel off like a bucketful of scorpions to the groin, the way his chest pulled at the fabric of his coat tightened the areas covering his upper-arms, making his muscles look even more pronounced. Axel’s gay dick was getting a lot of mixed messages here, okay?

He was kind of disgusted, but also incredibly aroused.

Which was stupid, for multiple reasons.

For starters, Saix wasn’t even doing anything remotely sexual. He was sitting on a barstool, legs crossed in his typical “prissy prom queen in the back of a limo” pose, as he sipped a fruit smoothie from his tin koozie like a fucking soccer mom. The bar had always been Saix’s spot; it was withdrawn enough from the rest of the room to suit his less-than-social tendencies, but allowed him to easily turn around and join in on conversation. How the weight of his belly didn’t have him toppling over the side of the barstool was an act of balance Axel could never comprehend.

Secondly, Xemnas.

Xemnas was sitting on the barstool next to him, an innocent distance away, but still closer in proximity to Saix than he was to anyone else in the room. The dude’s presence alone should’ve been enough to completely disintegrate any and all impure thoughts prior to their conception; Xemnas gave off massive ‘disappointed dad’ vibes to the point where the majority of the Organization had arrived at the conclusion that the only people who could possibly be sexually attracted to him suffered from a combination of repressed guilt, crippling daddy issues, and psyche-shattering loneliness. (Axel didn’t want to think about what this meant for Saix.)

Not to mention he was his _boss._ Nothing said “goodbye, boner” faster than forced overtime, unsatisfactory pay, and pointless paperwork. (The fact that Saix was also, technically, Axel’s boss was irrelevant.)

Thankfully, the only time Xemnas ever socialized with the rest of the Organization were these weekly gatherings he insisted were essential to overall productivity, which came to issue number three.

The one night a week the whole Organization shared meals together in the lounge room in the Grey Area was _not_ the appropriate environment for Axel to start popping hardies while checking out his ex. Roxas and Xion were chittering away on either side of him, for Pete’s sake! This needed to be a PG-Clean family-friendly zone to maintain the kids’ purity, but Axel couldn’t seem to keep his traitorous eyes (and thoughts) from wandering.

Then, Saix started eating and it was fucking game over. Axel immediately lost his appetite and any fleeting attraction to his former (boy???) friend.

When Saix’s pregnancy was revealed two months ago, group mealtimes mostly consisted of Demyx physically forcing food into Saix's mouth with varying levels of success while Xigbar made crass comments. These days, Saix no longer nibbled his food. He _ate_ it, and his appetite was enough to rival even the emptiness inside Xemnas. Watching the man eat put Axel on edge; Saix’s stomach had grown so big so quickly. He was terrified anymore weight inside it would make it explode.

“It’s concerning,” Vexen had reported, after the combined efforts of Luxord’s concerned prodding and Xigbar’s backhanded comments alerted Xemnas who, in turn, all but ordered Saix down to the labs. Initially, Vexen was afraid that Saix might have a tumor but, after an ultrasound, it was discovered that Saix didn’t have cancer; he was just pregnant with tredecimuplets. 

Tredecuplets?

Treduplets?

Was there even a word for being pregnant with thirteen babies? There shouldn’t be. Carrying _thirteen_ children at once shouldn’t be a thing that was allowed to happen, but alas. Here Axel was, trying to find the right word to describe how positively fucked his childhood friend’s womb was.

His childhood friend who was, as far as Axel was aware, biologically male on every level.

His childhood friend who also _got some sort of vindictive pleasure_ out of _verbally abusing_ literal _children._

Saix shouldn’t be allowed to stay in the same room as kids, let alone permitted to reproduce and create his own. Granted, the children Saix enjoyed terrorizing weren’t ones he’d birthed, so _maybe_ the man would make a good parent, but that would require an entire personality makeover. Axel wasn’t a fan of abortion, but he legitimately felt that pulling the plug on Saix’s spawn would be a mercy kill. Anything would be better than having _Saix_ as a parent. On a good day, Saix was an asshole with a mean streak a mile wide. On a bad day? Child protective services wouldn’t have anything to recover.

The resident Berserker would either be the most over-controlling, helicopter parent imaginable, or the type of entitled mom that coveted drama wherever possible and threatened poor retail workers. Probably a mixture of both.

If the thought of Saix storming into Target and demanding to see a manager wasn’t nightmare fuel, Axel didn’t know what the hell was.

“Axel?” A voice freed him from his mental horror show. “Are you okay?”

The redhead blinked. “Yeah, Roxas. Yeah. I’m fine.”

With actual effort, he forced his thoughts away from Saix.

For _whatever_ reason, he still found the man hot.

What the fuck.

He wanted to vomit.


End file.
